timling

Thursday, September 21, 2006

Self Introduction

My name is Tim ,I was born in Tainan, My subject was Industry Safty Hygiene,In that time, I never thought English is important for me ,So i didn't study hard, After I retired from army,I tried to apply for a job in trading company, but all applcant must have good command in English , I usually failed at the first step , Because of this,I started to syudy English,My level of English now is not good enough for me to get the job , That is why i decided to come to college, And chooce this course.
Now i'm working in my farther's factory. But i want to change job,I am not interesting in that job.Another reason that I want to change my job is, My elder brother already works there and he will manage it.There is no need for me to stay there to inherit my father's factory.I have to make a decission for my future,I have discussed this with my father,He knows who am I and what I have to learn or need.Finally, He suggested that I should not give up English and that I go to learn more in college.
Now,I enjoy my student life very much, but it not as easy as i imagined,Therefor,I have to study harder in the years to come,I think it will help me to realize my dream and make difference in my life .

1 Comments:

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Yuhsiuwriting said...

Hello Tim,

Well done! Some suggestions for you:


My name is Tim ,i was born in Tainan, my subject was Industry Safty Hygiene,...

1.break this very long sentence into several complete sentences.


2. but when i after retire army i tried to application for trade company but all applcant must have good command in English ,
--> after I retired from the army, I tried to apply for a job in a trading company, but...


3. so i usually fall down by first step
--> I usually failed at the frist step...

4.for that chance i'm start to syudy English until now , but just for few years my English still not enough to apply that job , that is why i decided to come to college and chooce this course.
--> study (spelling)
-->Because of this, I started to study English.
-->My level of English now is not good enough for me to get the job. That is why I...

5. Avoid very long sentences. Your reader need a rest someteims. Use a period (.) at the appropraite place to break the sentences.

6.i am not interesting in that job
-->I am not interested in that job.

7.another reason is my old brother already works in and will manage it, so i have to make a decission for my future ,
-->Another reason that I want to change my job is, my elder brother already works there and he will manage it. There is no need for me to stay there to inherit my father's the facotry.


8. i discuss with my father ,
-->I have discussed this with my father.



9.he knows who am i and what i have to learn or need , finally he suggested me don't give up English and support me to learn than come to college.
-->He ...I...I. Finally, he suggested that I should not give up English and that I go to learn more in college.

10. Now i very enjoy my student life, but it not as easy as i imagined , so i have to study more hard in to years , i think it will help me to realize my dream and make difference in my life .
-->Now, I enjoy my student life very much, but...
-->Therefore, I have to study harder in the years to come.
-->I think...

 

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